Family-life conversations are often some of the hardest to start, especially when they require telling loved ones things they may not want to hear. Because of this, many homes are run on trial and error. People shy away from admitting they’re unsure of what they’re doing, and no one wants to be the first to speak up. Over time, unspoken concerns morph into frustrations and eventually grow into resentment. Even when there’s a genuine desire for help, many struggle to express it in ways that don’t lead to arguments or further misunderstanding.
MAIDforME isn’t a marriage counseling organization, but after over a decade of working with families, we’ve come to recognize the importance of helping families have meaningful conversations especially in our primary area of specialty: domestic staffing and household operations.
In many homes, domestic staffing decisions naturally fall on the woman, not necessarily on the spouse who is best equipped to make it work. This dynamic often leads to frustration, mismanagement, or repeated staffing failures. On the other hand, families where the more skilled partner handles domestic staffing, or where both spouses are actively involved, each contributing their unique strengths tend to experience more success and stability in this area.
So, if your home isn’t yet enjoying the benefits of a well-executed domestic staffing structure with results, it might be time to have THE conversation, and we’re happy to give you a head start.
Here are our 7 suggested ways to kick-start a domestic staffing conversation with your spouse.
- Start by acknowledging how previous hiring and management approaches have failed and you think it may be time to try something different.
- Highlight the skills that you may fall short on, but see in them that are useful for the hiring and management process.
- Highlight your strengths and areas of your home’s domestic staffing system you think your contribution will be better felt.
- Detail the whole process of your existing domestic staffing structure, from sourcing to hiring and management, and go through the process together to see if there is anything they have to adjust, change or contribute to make it better.
- Jointly analyze your family dynamics and determine what kind of staff your home will need to provide operational support.
- Be specific with your ask especially if you have come to a conclusion on what needs to be done differently. Tell them exactly how you want them to be involved, so that they know how to step in and do so promptly.
- Discuss your common grounds on the decision each person is responsible for. For example, if your spouse thinks someone might be great for your family, and you think they are not, what common grounds can you find despite your difference in perspectives, that can aid an agreement quickly, while still respecting each other’s autonomy?
Domestic staffing is a family issue, and should be handled as a shared responsibility, because everybody wins when domestic staffing decisions are made by the most qualified person in the family. And it is absolutely fine if it isn’t you.
Cheers to better team work and more excellent decision-making.