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Victim or Perpetrator?

Last year, I posed a question to my largely female Instagram audience, wondering if they would feel secure or at ease enough to delegate the hiring of domestic help to their spouses. I’m referring to the recruiting, hiring, onboarding, and other processes.  Your guess may be as good as mine as to what most answers were.

I came to the realization after posing that question, that women were often the most eager participants and, frequently, the actual perpetrators of their family’s exclusion from domestic management. A woman may be having trouble finding staff for her home, but she may never think to delegate the task to her husband, an accomplished and seasoned HR professional with the capacity to recognize a con artist from a great distance and the mental capacity to draft documentation that safeguards the family.

She may be wondering where all the money for the month goes, but she would prefer to write out the reconciliation on scraps of paper than approach her daughter, an auditor for a large consulting firm, for assistance with the budget.

We are aware that we require assistance and complain about not getting it when it comes to taking care of the house, but we are unaware of the fact that our behavior, speech, and attitude do not accurately reflect our readiness for assistance from other family members. Simple things like wording sentences with “I” rather than “we.” Instead of saying “I need to recruit a domestic staff.”, say “we need to decide on staffing for the house.”

However, I’m not blaming anyone here. Considering that society as a whole has to deconstruct this. It has been suggested from time immemorial that the home is the woman’s domain. Since she is in charge of making decisions there, refusing to do so or, in some cases, admitting that she is unable of doing so, implies some sort of failure.

But this philosophy needs to be looked at again. You can see how hard it is for one individual to be the only bearer of such obligation when you consider the idea and function of family.

If managing your home feels too much for you right now, it might not be due to a lack of structure, organization or processes, but rather to the fact that you are taking on more than you should. When you’re meant to be a team player, you’re a lone ranger.

I understand that asking for help can be frustrating. Perhaps you’ve even asked previously, but nobody has responded.

Here’s the good news

For you, I made a FREE resource. In it, I discuss 10 different adjustments you can make to your mentality, language, and behavior to put your family on a trajectory to join you on this home management trip. I can assure you that once you realize the changes that must be made, you will realize how unintentionally you have fostered a culture where your family is not welcome.

But first, in keeping with my habit of asking questions, I’d like you to take this 90-second Family Home Management Survey I made. It would help us gain a deeper understanding of your perspective on home management through your preparation, expectations, and actual experience. Your input would enable us develop tools that benefit both your family and many others globally. You can also be completely honest because the survey is anonymous.

Look for the link to obtain the FREE resource mentioned as soon as you hit the submit button. Here is the survey once more.

If you’re sick of playing the lone ranger, be rest assured that things can change . You may not even need to do anything more than put what you learn in this resource into practice, to change your existing reality.

Lastly, review your attitude and strategy to be sure you haven’t been the one pushing them away.

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